THE title of this post is very much tongue in cheek. I seriously thought I was going to be on some drug that was going to take control of my life or at the least take control of my life away from me. I didn't want anything screwing with my brain waves to the point I wasn't in control of my own life anymore. Well I am pleased to say it couldn't be further from the truth.
SO, initially I had tried to 'control' my anxiety with plenty of vitamin D (aka the Sun). This turned into playing football which allowed me to vent much of the frustrations I had which is how my anxiety manifested itself. The only problem was, I couldn't control or self treat myself anymore than a diabetic can treat themselves. I needed help but there were two things stopping me.
ONE: I would too easily hit the self destruction button and spiral out of control into the depths of despair. The place I felt most comfortable, total darkness where it was just me and my doubts; and of course
TWO: taking medication was for crazy people. I wasn't crazy, I was comfortably numb.
GOING back to a previous post, DnA isn't something I fully understood so I gave it that negative stigma. I had been diagnosed and spoken to my Doctor back in '05 about it but I didn't understand how the brain functioned or how medication could help. I don't know to many people who could say their career saved their life (I know many who would love to get out of their chosen careers!!), but I can say it. Since working in the health and safety industry I have learnt a lot about wellbeing. And its this that has helped me accept medication and change my life. Of course it took five years to realise it but hey, patience is a virtue... love me honey :-)
I will never forget the day the Doctor said she wanted me to try a course of medication in conjunction with counselling (tip for anyone with DnA, you need both to some degree). Oh and I should point out, my family Doc from '05 passed away so I have only been seeing my current Doc for the past couple of years (like three or four times). So I goes in to see my Doc as part of my new regime, see the Doctor every six months for a check up (just like a car) whether I was sick or not. It was a chance to check my vitals and have a chat about my wellbeing. It was during this chat that the alarm bells started sounding and before we could move onto the important things like a skin tag, she had me considering medication, a mental health plan (mandatory in Australia for medicare benefits. Can explain more if need be, just ask), and counselling. I was to return in a weeks time with my decision on what I wanted to do after doing my own research on mental health issues.
AFTER the appointment (it was a Monday morning), I climbed into the car, called my wife and broke down because I had to do the inevitable and take medication - DRUGS! I think my wife cheered my up by telling me it was about bloody time. Two weeks later I was back in to get my prescription for AROPAX, 20mg per day for a minimum of six months with a view to 12 months and longer if required.
GlaxoSmithKline Aropax information
WITH medication comes side effects; nausea, weight gain, dry mouth, and the list goes on. Great, exactly why I didn't want to go on medication in the first place. I was about to screw up my mind even more than it already was! I purchased the meds that afternoon and the Doc advised me to wait until the Friday to start due to the side effects, you know just in case. Gee, what not to say to someone who is anxious!
TUESDAY saw me farting like a trooper and by midday, I had diarrhea. My stomach just kept churning away all day. To the point where I had to leave work as it was too embarrassing. I figured that if I was making myself that sick just by thinking about taking the damn drug, how much worse could the actual drug side effects be. So I decided to start the next morning.
BEST thing I ever did.
SINCE being on the medication (which has remained the same 20mg per day), I have felt alive, and I mean really alive. I can enjoy things again. I have motivation to do things again. It has provided me with clarity in what I think, feel and do. Situations arise and I feel a bit stressed or frustrated but nothing to what I used to. I am normal again, or at least I feel it.
BUT most of all, I haven't had a blow up in three months now, since I first took my little white tablet on 15 August 2012. That means I haven't put my fist through a wall or door. I haven't broken a glass or TV or anything I could get my hands on. I have been able to have robust discussions with my wife that haven't ended with me driving to Adelaide without a word of where I was going or what I was doing. I am starting to be a real husband and father again and it feels good.
MY psychologist puts it best (and I have said this before), diabetics take insulin, pregnant women take folate, older wiser people take calcium cause Mark Holden says to. And I need something to help balance out my serotonin deficiency. Aropax just happens to be the name of my supplement.
IF you are thinking of medication or it has been recommended to you, give it a go. My mate went through a few types of medication (dosage and composition), before he got onto the right one but once he was on it, it changed his life for the better too. All I am saying is that it might feel like you are about to take something that will take over your life but it will only help you take control of your life.
Neil
PS. I have kept a diary of how I felt every day for the first two months as it usually takes about eight weeks to start to do its job. And sure enough I started to plateau from bouncing off the walls but I'm still feeling better than I did before starting my course of supplements.
