THE MONEY
NOW its not the love of money or anything like that. We make good money and get by quite well. Its more the value?? hmm not sure how to explain it really.
AS I said, child support takes away 1/3 of my salary with income tax taking away another 1/3. That leaves me with the other 1/3 to pay the mortgage, utlities and other living expenses. Oh and then there is the cost of actually getting my girls over here during the holidays (remembering my son doesn't travel... at the moment). That's right, I got to fork out a couple of hundred dollars to fly the girls over. Thats on top of the child support.
DON'T get me wrong, I don't mind paying the child support, its not a factor for me. The more I earn the more I pay, I factor that into my salary already so its a no brainer. It's just an unfair system based on parents that can't be bothered to live up to their responsibilities and be the mum or dad. Here I am trying desperately to be a father for my kids but the child support makes it hard.
WE need a bigger house to cope with three kids while they are here. Our food bill goes up during their visits, we would like a small family vacation while we are all together etc. Now I know that there are families out there struggling to make ends meet and that its just the cost of living. But bear in mind a third of my gross (not net) salary goes to their mother for the kids but I have no control over how it is spent. In one month, I pay the equivalent in all their trips over in child support. DING - feeling of worthlessness as I can't even provide for my family.
AND because I do pay child support, it becomes hard for me to just buy things for the kids. Any money I spend I feel I have to justify with my wife as it is coming from what little I do have left over. Its okay for her to shop like a millionaire as she has the money but I can't do the same. I know comments are often made in jest but they cut deep so its a hard one to cope with.
THEN there are the little things like doing up the garden, or buying something to liven up the place. Ordinarily it wouldn't be a problem, we would have budgeted for it or saved etc. But when you know your money is going elsewhere and there is nothing you can do about it, that really kicks.
AS I said, I have a great mother who is more than willing to come to the party and help out. She has flown me over to see the kids a couple of times and paid for the entire trip. It means she gets to see them too and she knows she is helping me out. But then I get the guilts as I am made to feel that I'm taking away her retirement money which she needs to live off.
BETWEEN the kids, my wife and the money I often get to the point of just wanting it to all end so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not talking death, but for the kids not to come over, or just not to go there. It saves money, it saves the anxiety and stress that is placed on all of us and its just easier to not have to deal with it.
SO, I don't have a love of money as I am happy with what I have, I could just use some extra in the pocket to help pay for the little things that make it worthwhile.
HOPEFULLY this three part post will put into perspective my feelings and how the little green monster can easily rear his ugly head.
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